I weighed myself today. I don’t know why. I guess I wanted to know I wasn’t gaining weight. I have lost 2 KG since I started this a few days ago. Probably mostly water. But I think that I may be losing weight too fast. This time round Im really cautious of not physiologically shocking my body. In some ways I think I shouldn’t even be trying to lose weight, rather I should be maintaining weight and working through my food issues. But I know that the motivation for me is to be healthy and to lose weight. When I do that it will help motivate me. So since I have decided to diet I want to do this slowly. I don’t want to force my body into thinking its starving. At least I want to minimise physiological cravings as much as possible so I can deal with the addiction. I find it really hard to say that – addiction. I rewrote that sentence a few times even though I wanted to say addiction. I almost feel embarrassed to say it. I guess I don’t want people to think Im crazy for thinking this.
At exactly 2:40 pm today the hunger started to kick in, and after that it progressively got stronger. It was similar to when I gave up smoking. I could feel my heart beating in my veins and I felt very tense. I also began obsessing about food. Particularly lemonade. I guess my body just wants the quickest hit it can get from sugar, and what could be better than sugar in liquid form. I also knew it was going to get worse as the day went on. In order to counteract this I decided that I would lift my calorie limit to 3000. The reason behind this is the hope that it will prevent the currently rapid rate of weight loss, which may be partly causing this massive hunger. It seemed to work. My need for food disappeared, and I was left with a strong want for food. I WANTED to go and get some lemonade, but I didn’t need it. It made the obsessive food thoughts more manageable.
So I am left with this feeling of simply missing carb-laden food. I just want to have carbs for no other reason than I just want to have carbs. I miss the way it makes me feel, I miss the taste and I miss the excitement of having it. I feel like something is missing now. Weirdly, I feel I have lost a piece of me or something that I could always rely on to make me happy. I guess this truly is the addict talking. Its similar to when I gave up smoking and I just missed smoking. I wanted that hit again. Also, I am having similar thoughts as to yesterday. That little addict inside my head is trying to convince me I am going to fail. That when I lose more weight I will actually be too hungry, and there will be nothing I can do about it. That its not about addiction at all. That I am wrong, and I will fail, and will be fat for life. That little addict is trying to break me so it gets its fix. I hope it is not right because honestly Im not sure.
Ok so here is my eating for today. As I said I brought my limit up and had 3000 calories. Im hoping that this will maintain my weight for the next few days and then I will drop it again until I lose another half a kilo, and then bring the calories back up again. I am hoping that by cycling my calories like this that my hunger levels will be kept at bay. Since I increased my calories, and my carbs always seem to be sitting in between 100 and 150 g of carbs anyway, I decided to keep it that way. This carb intake may be too high, and so if the cravings become intense at 3000 calories I will begin to progressively reduce the carbs down in an effort to diminish hunger levels. Today my nutrients were looking really good with most been well over 200% of the RDA with no shortfalls.
Breakfast: Berries, Yogurt
Lunch: Pork Steak, Canned Tomatoes, Spanish Onion, Celery
Late Afternoon Snack: Pork Steak, Spinach, Olive Oil
Dinner: Salmon, Asparagus, Almonds
Fat 56% (Sat 12%, Poly 9%, Mono 32%)
Carbohydrates 18% (149g)
By the way never be afraid to make comment. I freaking love people commenting!