I am feeling so despondent about the whole weight loss thing at the moment. Hence the lack of posts. I celebrated a lot this weekend. Hell its only a few times in your life that you get to celebrate the success that I had last week. But to get back into my old eating patterns just seems impossible. It just seems like a mountain. The major part is I just don’t believe I can do it. At least a major part of me feels that way. The other part is desperate for me to try. I just feel so trapped between wanting to just accept myself as I am, and wanting to keep trying. Im sick of the mind battles most of all. The constant obsessing about my weight, and what I am eating. Thats why I couldn’t face this blog. I just needed space to think.
One of the things I keep coming up with is that when I do try to lose weight I actually succeed. But then I go out and drink, or I go out for dinner, and I revert back and then I find it very hard to get back on that horse. I think that I could do it if I was more consistent. But when Im doing it I get tired, my energy is drained, I find it hard to concentrate. I need to be focusing on my career as well, and I don’t want my weight obsession to interfere with that. But I also don’t want to be unhealthy. In other words Im stuck! With that said I will pull my ass out of the chair for the millionth time and try to get that consistency back into my life.