I think I have stumbled upon another of my ‘issues’. Im addicted to dieting! Yes dieting! When I am dieting, and eating what I should, I feel like my life is in control. I feel like I am going to be thin and when I get to be thin my shitty life will be magically replaced by a life with pink elephants swimming in lemonade. Yes thats right its obviously a dream. But just the idea that I am going to be thin allows me to not worry about things in my life right now. Its a way of coping. And this way of coping is highly addictive. When I think to myself I no longer want to diet its like taking away my only coping strategy. My way of dealing with life and bringing happiness to myself. So giving up dieting is not simply giving up dieting. Its huge. At the moment its giving up hope.
However, things are going well not dieting. I am eating what I want (non-processed) and when I want. I lost another kilogram today and so I sit at 118kg. Back down. It absolutely blows my mind that I am still dropping weight. I expect, hope, that I am going to lose weight very slowly and not maintain. I read over at free the animal that he lost weight at about 1/2 pound a month. Thats incredible but also impossible to monitor if you are weighing yourself everyday. But he really must have been confident he was going along the right path in terms of his eating. This would be hard for someone like me who needs instant gratification and needs to see results immediately.
What I have also noticed is something that I have brought back into my diet is definitely not agreeing with me. Lets just say my gut flora have been busy! Now there are two obvious choices that in the past have caused this. I have narrowed the culprit items down to either chickpeas or milk. They are not mutually exclusive. They both could be causing my issues and they both are non-paleo. But since I like milk better I will eliminate the chick peas (or legumes etc altogether) and see if this stops. It has lasted for two days in a row so no coincidence.
Obviously I don’t want to do dietary breakdowns as then I am counting calories. What I can do is start taking pics of my food.