Back Up On The Horse

13 Jun

So I started this blog because I felt that I was not been completely honest in the last one. Well, at the very least, I wouldn’t confess all my sins. So I started this blog because I wanted to be completely transparent, and always admit when I stuff up so that I am held accountable. Not by you, but by me. It is not a nice feeling to admit when you have stuffed up. So here I am writing to you about to confess.

Yesterday, I was invited to go watch a game of soccer. England vs USA. I thought I had been so good lately that I deserved to go. That it was time to take the next step and put on the training wheels. I honestly believed I could go and not eat junk food. I was confident that I now had the ability to resist. While I was there all went well and I didn’t eat or drink anything except for diet cokes. I had to have something and thought this was the lesser of all evils. At this stage I was on a high. I felt that nothing was going to stand in my way, and how easy it was for me to not drink or eat anything I shouldn’t. Yes I was feeling confident and optimistic. Proud of myself even.

And here comes the big BUT. But, then someone invited me out for a drink. I knew this wasn’t a good idea. I knew where it would lead. But I guess a part of me didn’t care. I didn’t want to go home and be alone. I was enjoying the company. I also managed to fool myself that my new resolve would be strong enough to have only a few beers and then go home. So I did. I went and I drank a few beers. Then I drank some more. And then I drank some more. Next thing I know I am walking in the door in the early hours of the morning having consumed many beers and pizza.

Not impressed. The binge fest didn’t end there either. This morning I went and had some more pizza and a slushy. So there you have it. I have managed to reign it in now. Im back up on the horse. Overall Im not convinced it is going to have a large impact on my weight loss. But I can’t let this become a habit. I am making sure I don’t do that by admitting my mistakes. The lesson learned is I cannot go out into situations where there is drink or junk food…….yet. I must be on the ball at all times, and not get cocky. I must not ever believe I have things under control. Because thats when I stuff up.

For the record no I don’t have a drinking problem. But I am also a big escapist. I like to escape reality. Hell thats a part of the addictive nature of things. To escape life! Its especially hard now because I don’t know anyone and I sit at home in this apartment. It can get lonely. So when I do have fun I never want it to end.  So when I start drinking I don’t let it end. Not until very late. Also beer = calories. Non-paleo calories, and I consider this as junk food. So at the moment I feel very let down as I have been doing so well. But I know I have to stay motivated and surge on with the fight. I can’t get too down or I will cave. Thats not an option. .

Bugger.

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12 Responses to “Back Up On The Horse”

  1. Carla June 13, 2010 at 11:24 pm #

    I admire you for sharing this. I don’t think you should be too hard on yourself. You went out and had a good time. I think that is just as important as eating healthy sometimes! You are doing well most days, and soon the healthy eating days will be more and more and the overeating days will be less and less.

    • Dan June 14, 2010 at 10:33 am #

      Thanks. Yes maybe I should give myself a break. But if I am too easy on myself I will start to do this all the time.

  2. Judith June 13, 2010 at 11:46 pm #

    I think Carla’s right, company is important, especially in your situation when you’re away from home and don’t know anyone. Don’t beat yourself up. 80 – 20 rule, remember?

    • Dan June 14, 2010 at 10:33 am #

      Thanks

  3. Bearfriend June 14, 2010 at 12:24 pm #

    Hi Dan. I’m generally a non-drinker – I just don’t like it very much as I get drunk on 2 units and paralytic on 3, so I only take alcohol medicinally so to speak. And virtually never as “enjoyment” or “entertainment”. So I have learnt that it’s OK for me to ask for a sparkling mineral water when out with other people who are drinking.

    I know it’s different for girls and that you are under pressure to be one of the guys etc. Also that it can be boring not to be tipsy when everyone else is laughing at stuff and you just aren’t feeling it because you’re sober.

    But it CAN be done. You can still go along with everyone else to the pub and drink water as I do. If you need an excuse say you are driving home. Or have to be up early to do work etc.

    Also, you could explore social settings where getting drunk isn’t “obligatory”. Chess club anyone?!

    Bearfriend xx

    • Dan June 14, 2010 at 8:53 pm #

      Well thats what I tried to do. It was going well at the start when I was having diet coke. I don’t succumb to that whole ‘manly’ thing. But I do like to have fun.

  4. Michael June 14, 2010 at 12:30 pm #

    Morning Dr. Dan,

    I sort of thought something like that was going on since you didn’t post as much this weekend. Don’t beat yourself up, its all part of the journey. I read on your other blog (Darwins Table) a post about Buddha eating meat. Just curious, are you Buddhist? Or have you studied it? I don’t have a reference but in the “Tao of Jeet Kune Do” by Bruce Lee (I haven’t read that book in over 30 years now!), he wrote of Buddha’s Eight Fold Path and applied it to martial arts. I have used this philosophy to apply in my own life at times when I needed to change something about myself. Right View, Right Intention, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Livelihood, Right Effort, Right Mindfulness, Right Concentration. The Four Noble Truths deal with attachment. My purpose is not to preach. I just found these thoughts helped me at various times in my life. Buddhism always appealed to my logical mind. Hope this helps. I am rooting for you.

    • Dan June 14, 2010 at 8:54 pm #

      No Im not buddhist. Just thought it was interesting.

  5. Hannah June 15, 2010 at 12:28 pm #

    Hi Dan,

    a little email from overseas here. Just stumbled into your blogs when I was doing some work research on the Chauvet cave paintings and before I knew it I was reading about fastfood addictions instead of murals, lol.
    Interesting read, very recognizable. I have always been very (affordlessly) slim, untill I got prescribed a medication called ‘remeron’ for my rosacea. Helps wonders for the hot flashes but…. gained 30 pounds in 2 years (was 110 pounds, now almost 140, 1.69 meters and 30 years old). It’s an awful drug in the sense that it makes you hungry all the time and messes up your metabolism; I just feel as if I’m walking in a little fat suit (it’s not THAT bad actually, but have turned rather chubby). So since the med is helping so much and I’m rather chubby then beet red and flushed all day, I stay on it and have been trying in the mean time to calm down this raging appetite. And perhaps we have something similar going on there. The weird thing is, the more I eat, the more I want to eat. I also make appintments with myself, have usually a good start in the morning with very little breakfast and very healthy as well, some excersize then and by that point my stumach is roaring and I feel a bit more confident that I have burned off some calories (usually less then it feels to me though) and believe by then I have earned some nice lunch. I mostly crave for the carbs; cookies, bread, pasta. I have to eat organic and wholsome because of my skin reactions to virtually everything, so the cookies are made from brown wholegrain wheat instead of white, which seems good, but gives me this idea it’s healthy as well, where it is actually loaded with calories and (organic cane-)sugar. So by then I have eaten more than I should and the feeling of ‘what the …” takes over and I feel I’d rather just dive in and feel content the rest of the working day and tomorrow I will be much better.
    I stopped once with the medication, I lost 10 pounds just sitting on my bum for 2 weeks, but I hardly slept anymore (remeron makes you sleep like a baby and has dreadful side-effects when discontinued) and felt overall awful with a burning face, so I couldn’t care less by then about the weight loss. Whilst on the med again, the roles turned again and the weight was on within a week, even without eating too much.

    No solution here either, I just wanted to tell in short my strugle. Not I try to just get my ‘kick’ and ‘high’ out of the thought that I have eaten little and healthy during the day, as this feeling stays longer with me then the short lived euphoria of eating something really nice. I tried taking half a short bread ones (do you know them btw? Scottish, sinfully gorgeous, don’t ever try them), but ate the full packet like I hadn’t eaten for 2 weeks, so not a good idea.
    The only problem is that this good feelings is always short lived and after some time I really miss the good treats during the day and it get’s a real battle to get through the day with these strong cravings. I know in my case it’s mainly the medication (infamous for this side-effect actually), but I still need to deal with it.
    I don’t get any yummie foods in the house now, only in the weekend, just the healthy ones normally and after some time I have to say that the outlook for a mango or a peach starts to feel somewhat the same as the longing for a pizza.

    In your case I would say; try to find a solution that can be continued long term, not just short term. That would mean that you have the possiblity to have some drinks with friends if this comes up, but then think before act afterwards and discuss with yourself your next plan: you had your treat, now you need to be on a bit of restriction the next day(s). Only then you can continue it long term. I agree with others here that the social effect and the happyness this brings you outweighs the extra calories. Just pull on the gears then and don’t let yourself go afterwards because it was a bad diet day anyway and you better make the most of it now.

    Hope it helps, I’ll get back to work now I guess,

    Hannah, France

    • Dan June 16, 2010 at 8:00 pm #

      Thank you for your great comment. Really appreciate your honesty. Have you tried going pure paleo? Perhaps it might help it has some people. But its hard to tell if it is just hype.

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