Mind Battles

22 Jun

I am feeling so despondent about the whole weight loss thing at the moment. Hence the lack of posts. I celebrated a lot this weekend. Hell its only a few times in your life that you get to celebrate the success that I had last week. But to get back into my old eating patterns just seems impossible. It just seems like a mountain. The major part is I just don’t believe I can do it. At least a major part of me feels that way. The other part is desperate for me to try. I just feel so trapped between wanting to just accept myself as I am, and wanting to keep trying. Im sick of the mind battles most of all. The constant obsessing about my weight, and what I am eating. Thats why I couldn’t face this blog. I just needed space to think.

One of the things I keep coming up with is that when I do try to lose weight I actually succeed. But then I go out and drink, or I go out for dinner, and I revert back and then I find it very hard to get back on that horse. I think that I could do it if I was more consistent. But when Im doing it I get tired, my energy is drained, I find it hard to concentrate. I need to be focusing on my career as well, and I don’t want my weight obsession to interfere with that. But I also don’t want to be unhealthy. In other words Im stuck! With that said I will pull my ass out of the chair for the millionth time and try to get that consistency back into my life.


18 Responses to “Mind Battles”

  1. Cheryl June 22, 2010 at 10:10 pm #

    Glad you reach out in your moments of despair. It might be time for you to find an in-person group, people who are going through your very struggles, to associate with.

    It is hard to maintain friendships when they revolve around activities/food/drink/venues that do not support the direction you are moving in. You’re on the cusp of a major shift in your life, and part of that has already happened – financial stability AND work/research you enjoy.

    You’ve read the studies – people who “go it alone” often have a more challenging time of making change and sticking to it when times get rough. Those same studies also look at how much an alcoholic needs to remove themselves from friends who drink (any amount at all)for various lengths of time before they can be in those venues and not feel the pull of the bottle.

    What if, your idea of fun was dance clubs, parks, beaches, etc. and food was just fuel, already programmed, and rarely random?

      • Dan June 23, 2010 at 10:31 am #

        Cheryl thats a great link by the way. Yes there is something reassuring knowing that your body plays tricks on you. But I guess I inherently believe that because of the whole addiction focus of this blog. I know my feelings are lies. Sometimes its hard to see through that though. Also I really liked your comment about ‘what if my idea of fun was parks, beaches etc’. What a simple yet novel thought. Maybe I need to rethink a lot of things. But thanks for your input it was helpful.

  2. Primal Toad June 22, 2010 at 10:34 pm #

    You can do it. The first step in accomplishing anything is believing in yourself. If you do not believe you can lose weight then you won’t. It’s that simple. But, you, I, and anyone else can truly do anything we want if we put our mind to it – if we believe in ourselves.

    Tell yourself over and over again that you have everything it takes to lose weight. Don’t do it just once. Say it many times everyday. Before you know it you will be on track and you will never vear off again.

    • Dan June 23, 2010 at 10:29 am #

      I hear what your saying. Its been so many years of this that I feel beaten down. It only happens sometimes. I think its natural to go through the dark periods as well as the good days. The great thing is I can let loose with all my dark feelings on here and it actually really helps and all your comments help too. Today I feel much better!!! Your comment prompted me to remind myself that in fact when I was on paleo I did lose 20 kg. So what did I do then that I am not doing now. This chain of thoughts has brought me to an interesting conclusion that fits well with my addiction idea. All will be revealed tonight.

  3. Carla June 23, 2010 at 10:12 am #

    One thing that seems to help me is if I approach my lifestyle in terms of I WANT to eat healthy, rather than stressing that I HAVE to eat healthy. For some reason, whenever I feel that I have to do something, I get really rebellious and don’t want to do it. Sometimes I read too many things about weight loss and what foods we should eat and not eat, and there are so many conflicting messages, and so many people who seem to find it easy to be such perfect eaters that I start to get nervous about every bite I put into my mouth. I’ve noticed that there will always be someone who thinks what I’m eating is bad. I can’t always have grass fed beef and organic vegetables, and sometimes I eat pizza (like yesterday) and you know what – WHO CARES! – we just have to do our best, whatever that may be at the time.

    • Dan June 23, 2010 at 10:26 am #

      You couldn’t BE anymore right. To be honest the reason i was so deflated is I am so SICK of hearing mixed messages. That literally was the issue. I hate it. But I woke up with a bit more of a skip in my step today. Yesterday was actually really cathartic. When I wrote that post I instantly felt better. Like some valve had been released and I automatically felt invigorated to start fighting again. Phew. I have a few new ideas. Im going to start approaching this addiction as if I am a lab rat. I am going to see what seems to work for rats in the lab and try to apply those general techniques to myself. I already have an idea for tonight.

  4. Carla June 23, 2010 at 10:15 am #

    P.S. I hope you keep posting as much as you can, because I find it really helpful! I experience a lot of what you are going thru and you have a way of writing that gets right to the bottom of food addiction and everything that goes with it.

    • Dan June 23, 2010 at 10:24 am #

      Thanks that was really nice to hear. I have no intention of giving up posting. I really like all the people that comment on here. I get a lot of good quality comments and Im proud and flattered by the people who keep coming back to this blog.

  5. Michael June 23, 2010 at 1:24 pm #

    Hey Dr. Dan,

    Glad you are back! Hang in there, we are all routing for you. I read and reread your focus of study and I still don’t really understand it, but it sounds really interesting. You are on your way to having a really great life. I say that because from reading your posts for a few months now, I think you are logical and compassionate. I know you will succeed in whatever it is you want to do.

    • Dan June 23, 2010 at 11:18 pm #

      Haha. Its hard to explain. I can send you and email if you want. Thanks by the way.

  6. Eric Vlemmix June 23, 2010 at 1:50 pm #

    I’m also extremely interested in my weight and health, have been for 2 year or so. It all started when a friend of me thought she was too heavy and wanted to lose weight. Basically I made it into a bet, and joined her. She followed the standard “eat less, move more”. I also started with that, but started reading blogs and books, and more books, did the a high omega-3 SLD diet, dropped sugars, went low-carb, and dropped grains when finding out about paleo.

    I don’t have real big problems with food, I’m quite relaxed about it. When I’m at my parents I like to have some bread, when I’m in a hurry, or just feel like it I’ll have a hamburger, including the bun, and my big oh-oh: beer. Just because it’s so embedded in my behaviour: go out with friends, have a beer, and another one.

    Basically, I started out with 83 kg, dropped to 75 kg, that seemed ok, tried 70 kg, seemed ok, tried 65 kg, but that was a but too skinny some people thought. Now I try to stay near 70 kg. Holiday? Party weekend? Gain some kilos, but normally it’s also quite easy to lose again. So I don’t stress too much over a weekend of beers and pizzas now and then.

    Since my healthier diet, I’m not ill anymore, lost weight, am energetic, no longer have canker sores, am not a full time slave to food and hunger: quite a nice changes.

    I’m doing to diet by myself, which also has some plusses especially when incorporating only-eat-when-hungry or intermittent-fasting, or hardly eating any bread and grains where other people often use these as the basis of their meals.

    Just don’t aim for 100% right, 100% of the time. It’s more your general behavior that counts.

    • Dan June 23, 2010 at 11:18 pm #

      Thats amazing you lose weight so easily. That would never happen for me. Im impressed!!

  7. TPSW June 23, 2010 at 3:43 pm #

    I like the idea of approaching this as a lab rat. I have been following your thoughts and I plan on treating things (well, more correctly, me) as a n=1 experiment, complete with proper documentation of variables. I look forward to your post tonight so that I can lift even more from your thoughts and ideas. You do a tremendous job of contemplating and extrapolating. Additionally, you inspire me as well.

    • Dan June 23, 2010 at 11:19 pm #

      Thanks you!!! I have a feeling that post (now posted) is going to really piss some people off. I hope not. But when you read it you will know why.

  8. haig June 23, 2010 at 6:16 pm #

    I empathize with you, I’ve been in a similar situation. I have a tendency to eat poorly and gain weight easily, and I could control it when I was younger and had more time to make it my top priority. As responsibilities increase and life gets more complex, you can’t work out twice a day or avoid social situations because you might be tempted.

    Your willpower is a limited resource that gets drained the more you attempt to exercise it. If you’re spending it on resisting eating that cookie you will have less willpower to resist procrastinating on your work. Do not try to use your mind to lose the weight, that is a fool’s errand. Instead, reprogram your biochemistry and make your body not crave those things in the first place.

    Also, I guess you’re no stranger to paleo, but for people who are addicted to carbs/sugars you really have to go almost zero carb to ween yourself off. It’ll also speed up fat loss. Once your body is fat adapted, your body weight will normalize to a healthy weight range on its own (barring any medical conditions). You still might have cravings after, but not withdrawal strength cravings.

    So don’t fight the temptations, just eat animals and fats ad libitum, and once you’re fat adapted and things get easier then you can reevaluate your diet if you want.

    • Dan June 23, 2010 at 11:20 pm #

      I just posted about this. Came to the opposite conclusion. That maybe my diet was too fat focused. Read my post and tell me what you think and your ideas.

  9. Karen@WaistingTime June 24, 2010 at 10:58 am #

    Hi Dan. I came over from Carla’s blog. I could identify with the post. The mind battles. The idea that if I focus and do what I know works the weight cooperates. It is all too easy for me to slip and slide and forget that I KNOW what it is that I should be doing.

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