The Need For Hypervigilance

In yesterdays post ‘Missing Sugar‘ I received two comments from Cheryl and Chris that suggested I should not be starting my day off with a carby breakfast. I still think that by today’s standards some plain greek yogurt and berries is not terribly high in carbs. BUT I do know that evidence shows that if you eat carbs for breakfast then you will burn carbs throughout the day, and this may lead to greater cravings for carbs later. I took their point and so today I did not start my day with a high carb breakfast. In addition, as opposed to what I said last night, I will not leave my carbs in the range of 100-150g, but rather will keep them under 100g as I orginally intended. I think this was a case of cognitive dissonance. I had eaten over 100 g so tried to justify it.

So I guess the big question on everybody’s mind is did I get hungry later than usual after the low carb breakfast? The answer is yes. The hunger pangs didn’t kick in until about 4 or 5pm. I was feeling fantastic. I had kept my carbs well below 100g, I had managed to curb my hunger for two hours, and I had lost another kilogram. Oh I lost another kilogram!! Anyway, I started to feel that my eating was under control and I couldn’t quite believe it. Maybe this time eh?

You might notice I am using past tense………as if something sinister happened later. Well lets just say when I found myself standing in the kitchen hacking off bits of fat from the steak I cooked for tomorrows lunch I realised that something was wrong. Just so you know I did NOT actually put any of the food into my mouth. As I stood there I suddenly came too, and realised that this was addictive behaviour. I quickly went for a walk and when I came back the cravings had subsided enough for me to put the steak in the fridge and leave it there.

This was like a warning sign for me. I cannot let this false sense of security let me be anything but hypervigilant. I cannot let my guard down for one second otherwise it will be like coming too at a murder scene and not knowing what happened. But rather than a dead body it will be empty ice cream containers everywhere. What I did find interesting about the ‘steak incident’ was I really tuned in on the fat. I saw the big succulent juicy pieces of fat and and just lost it. Maybe my body was just trying to get as much calories as it could. Or maybe not. If I have anymore fat cravings I will let you know. The major difference, however, is I only crave fat when I physcially see it whereas carbs are always on my mind.

This evening my hunger levels have been stronger than yesterday but weaker than the day before. I can’t explain it but their is a feeling in my gut that just wants something sweet. That other foods just seems so mundane. I feel so bored with food and so empty. The thought of meat now is putting me off eating. I just want something sweet. Which seems ironic considering that just over an hour ago I was standing in the kitchen with a knife tearing into an innocent steak. I had lowered my carbs today so maybe my addiction for sugar is kicking in a bit more?  Thoughts anyone?

Today was a good day though. My calories were at 3000, and for the first time since I started my carbs were under 100g, and I lost another kilo. All my nutrients except calcium and potassium were well over the RDA. But if you look at it over a week it seems as though I am getting enough nutrients each day.

Meals

Late Breakfast/Early Lunch: Pork, Spinach, Tomatoes, Olive oil

Afternoon Snack: Almonds

Dinner: Steak, Asparagus, Olive Oil + Cod Liver Oil

Late Evening Snack: Berries

Macronutrients

Fat: 68% (sat 13%, poly 9%, mono 43%)

Carbohydrates: 10% (77g)

Protein: 23%

Success Story – Breaking Sugar Addiction

I just received an excellent comment from someone who just found my blog, but has broken her obsessive eating behaviours. It was such a well thought out comment I didn’t want it to go unnoticed hidden away in the comments section. So I decided to pay the respect that it clearly deserves and post it. Denise thank you for your comment (and I hope you don’t mind me doing this since I never asked).

I found your previous blog yesterday and am touched by your struggle. I was tempted to comment then but decided that since we had just met, I should get to know you better, so I’ve done some reading and when you popped up in my RSS reader today and I read your post, I thought perhaps now I can offer something constructive.

I have been where you are and have come out the other side. Here is my story: the first time I did Atkins (late 1990′s) I lost a lot of weight and felt great. Then I was brainwashed by the low-fat, healthy-whole-grain-and-fruit South Beach-style propaganda and over several years gained it all back except 1 lb. In January 2009, in complete desperation, I started Atkins Induction. I also, at that time, stopped eating everything that tasted sweet. The “Induction Flu” only lasted a couple of days, and then I felt fantastic. Except for some digestive issues, the cause of which I couldn’t exactly pin down. My personal trainer, who has celiac disease, suggested that perhaps gluten might be an issue, and after resisting that idea for a while, I decided to stop eating grains for 2 weeks (telling myself I can do anything for 2 weeks, then when it didn’t work, I could go back to my beloved Ezekial bread and Miller Lite). In 3 days I felt like a fog had lifted, one I had no idea was even there. Dammit!

It has been a year and a half since I gave up sweets (yes, that means sugar, fruit, artificial sweeteners, anything that tastes sweet), and a year since I stopped eating grain.

Do I miss them? No, actually. I don’t have any cravings and can happily pass up all the things I used to be addicted to. Here is why: I feel good. I want to continue to feel good. And I know that any time I want to feel like crap I can get back on the sugar-starch-cravings roller coaster, and I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to go through withdrawal again. Ever. And I’ve already proven to myself that’s what happens when I eat even just a small amount of sugar or starch. I’m sure you can figure out how I know this.

My digestive issues have resolved and I’ve lost 40 lbs. in the last year and a half, and am still losing slowly (very slowly) and figure I have about 40 lbs. to go to be at what I’m thinking would be a good goal weight.

The most interesting thing I’ve discovered is that in giving up sugar and starch, the “emotional eating” went with it. Speaking strictly for myself, I have concluded that it was not emotional eating, it was addiction, a very physical addiction to sugar and starch. Because it went away when I quit eating them. Here’s what also went away: being obsessed with food and thinking about the next thing I was going to eat even while I was eating; lusting after food; the horrible, shaky, lightheaded feeling that I was starving and absolutely, positively MUST eat something, anything, right this very minute or I am going to DIE; being unable to stop eating although I was uncomfortably full, even “stuffed”. All that is gone along with the sugar and starch. I am not saying it will work this way for anyone else, but what do you have to lose?

The longer I go on this path the better I feel. I absolutely do not need carbohydrates in my diet, although I do love my vegetables (non-starchy, of course), usually cooked using Paula Deen’s method: a pound of veggies (especially nice for French-cut green beans or any kind of greens), a half a pound of bacon, and a stick of butter. Add enough chicken broth so they don’t burn, and cook them until they’re as done as you like them.

I apologize for the length of this comment, but I wanted to share what has worked for me and perhaps, give you a bit of hope.

Great story of hope. Thank you.

Missing Sugar

I weighed myself today. I don’t know why. I guess I wanted to know I wasn’t gaining weight. I have lost 2 KG since I started this a few days ago. Probably mostly water. But I think that I may be losing weight too fast. This time round Im really cautious of not physiologically shocking my body. In some ways I think I shouldn’t even be trying to lose weight, rather I should be maintaining weight and working through my food issues. But I know that the motivation for me is to be healthy and to lose weight. When I do that it will help motivate me. So since I have decided to diet I want to do this slowly. I don’t want to force my body into thinking its starving. At least I want to minimise physiological cravings as much as possible so I can deal with the addiction. I find it really hard to say that – addiction. I rewrote that sentence a few times even though I wanted to say addiction. I almost feel embarrassed to say it. I guess I don’t want people to think Im crazy for thinking this.

At exactly 2:40 pm today the hunger started to kick in, and after that it progressively got stronger. It was similar to when I gave up smoking. I could feel my heart beating in my veins and I felt very tense. I also began obsessing about food. Particularly lemonade. I guess my body just wants the quickest hit it can get from sugar, and what could be better than sugar in liquid form. I also knew it was going to get worse as the day went on. In order to counteract this I decided that I would lift my calorie limit to 3000. The reason behind this is the hope that it will prevent the currently rapid rate of weight loss, which may be partly causing this massive hunger. It seemed to work. My need for food disappeared, and I was left with a strong want for food. I WANTED to go and get some lemonade, but I didn’t need it. It made the obsessive food thoughts more manageable.

So I am left with this feeling of simply missing carb-laden food. I just want to have carbs for no other reason than I just want to have carbs. I miss the way it makes me feel, I miss the taste and I miss the excitement of having it. I feel like something is missing now. Weirdly, I feel I have lost a piece of me or something that I could always rely on to make me happy. I guess this truly is the addict talking. Its similar to when I gave up smoking and I just missed smoking. I wanted that hit again. Also, I am having similar thoughts as to yesterday. That little addict inside my head is trying to convince me I am going to fail. That when I lose more weight I will actually be too hungry, and there will be nothing I can do about it. That its not about addiction at all. That I am wrong, and I will fail, and will be fat for life. That little addict is trying to break me so it gets its fix. I hope it is not right because honestly Im not sure.

Ok so here is my eating for today. As I said I brought my limit up and had 3000 calories. Im hoping that this will maintain my weight for the next few days and then I will drop it again until I lose another half a kilo, and then bring the calories back up again. I am hoping that by cycling my calories like this that my hunger levels will be kept at bay. Since I increased my calories, and my carbs always seem to be sitting in between 100 and 150 g of carbs anyway, I decided to keep it that way. This carb intake may be too high, and so if the cravings become intense at 3000 calories I will begin to progressively reduce the carbs down in an effort to diminish hunger levels. Today my nutrients were looking really good with most been well over 200% of the RDA with no shortfalls.

Meals

Breakfast: Berries, Yogurt

Lunch: Pork Steak, Canned Tomatoes, Spanish Onion, Celery

Late Afternoon Snack: Pork Steak, Spinach, Olive Oil

Dinner: Salmon, Asparagus, Almonds

Macronutrients

Fat 56% (Sat 12%, Poly 9%, Mono 32%)

Carbohydrates 18% (149g)

Protein 26%

By the way never be afraid to make comment. I freaking love people commenting!